The Heart Brings You Back
by Abby J and Amber L
Summary: Jed and Abbey claw their way back to one another after a tragedy threatens to drive them apart
1. Default Chapter

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
This story is a what if scenario on my take on what would have happened if Zoey had been killed by her abductors. It's a year later and the story of what happened to the First Couple is told through a series of flashbacks.  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are ours. Just borrowing them for some fun!  
  
Rating: Probably PG-13, but just a warning: there's quite a bit of turmoil and some violence.  
  
Characters: Jed, Abbey, and some others along the way  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Summary: Abbey remembers the hell they went through when Zoey was kidnapped  
  
Abbey walked out of the kitchen, holding a mug of hot coffee. She sat at the table and turned on the television, anxious to watch her estranged husband's speech. It had been a year since Jed and Abbey officially separated. It was the first year in his Presidency that she wasn't with him during The State of the Union.  
  
When she saw Jed, she couldn't help but still feel some anger -- anger about what he did, what his actions cost them, most importantly, what could have been if only she had found a way to forgive him.  
  
But it had happened and so they went their separate ways. She moved out of the White House and back to Manchester, where she rented a high-class apartment.  
  
Watching the State of the Union, she saw something she didn't expect. He didn't look very well. His eyes were red, he had dark circles, he looked tired -- very tired. She spent the entire speech concentrating on him. What was wrong? Was he sick? Her concern took over. Later that night, she called the one person she kept in touch with since leaving the White House -- CJ. CJ told her about the stress the President had been under, dealing with terror threats Abbey read about in the paper everyday, trying to recover from falling approval ratings thanks to his separation, appearing as though he could handle being the most powerful man in the world, all the while watching his personal life continue to crumble, and most importantly, still reeling from the death of his youngest daughter.  
  
It had only been a year and those emotions were still raw for both of them. You never quite get over burying your child. It's a loss only a parent could understand. All the regrets, all the "what ifs" playing in your head. And the guilt. It's a parent's job to protect a child and in her time of need. Zoey couldn't count on her parents, for her parents didn't even know where she was when she needed them the most.  
  
CJ begged Abbey to come to the White House.  
  
"I think you need to see him," she pleaded.  
  
"No, I really don't think that's the best idea," Abbey told her.  
  
"Abbey, he won't talk to his doctor. He won't talk to us. We don't know what to think. It started as a cold, but..."  
  
Abbey tuned out CJ's voice. She remembered the night she left the White House. She told Jed that she'd never be back, no matter what. But could she stay away now? When he was sick, it was always Abbey who helped him. He didn't fully trust anyone else, not even the White House doctors.  
  
Despite her anger, she still loved him with all her heart. You don't get over 35 years of marriage that easily, no matter what a spouse may do. She did still love him, but this time, he put their daughter in danger and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't keep from blaming him. But now, he needed her. Even if he hadn't admitted it to anyone, he needed her and she needed to make sure he was okay. She told CJ she'd be in Washington the next day and headed to her bedroom to pack.  
  
The following day, as promised, Abbey caught the earliest flight. After she arrived at the airport, a car picked her up to take her to the White House. It was the longest drive of her life and on the way, her mind wandered. It drifted back to the day she and Jed were told their little girl was missing. They were entertaining guests in the residence. She remembered the sound she heard when Jed dropped the pictures he was holding, pictures of Zoey as a child. She remembered the look of horror on his face. She remembered him holding her up as he told her Zoey had been taken.  
  
She thought about the events of the following days. It was too much to handle. Abbey had to be sedated several times. Jed resigned as President, invoking the 25th Amendment. And they waited, and they waited, and they waited. They waited for days for a phone call that never came. No one asked for ransom. No one asked for anything. So why, she had wondered, would they kidnap the President's daughter? If not to barter, what was the point?  
  
Abbey began thinking about the day she heard the news about the assassination of Qumari Defense Minister Abdul Shareef. Why hadn't Jed told her himself? Why had he waited for her to hear about it on the news?  
  
Flashback  
  
As the news report aired, it all finally made sense to her. Could that be why Zoey was taken? Out of revenge, retalliation? Could it simply be old Karma at work? Her husband took a life and now her daughter would pay the ultimate price? She walked into the kitchen and began nervously making sandwiches with Ellie when Jed walked in.  
  
He wanted to talk about it. All she wanted was reassurance that the news reports were wrong.  
  
"It isn't true, is it?" she asked, unable to look at him.  
  
"I'm sorry you had to hear about it on television."  
  
What? He's sorry she had to hear about it on TV? Sure, she was pissed that he didn't tell her. But she was more angry that he had done such a thing in the first place. He had actually ordered the cold-blooded killing of another human being. Terrorist or not, he took a life and he never once even told her about it. He layed in bed next to her for a whole year and never felt the need to clear his conscious.  
  
"Why should today be any different," she replied coldly as she left the kitchen.  
  
Abbey's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her driver.  
  
"Ma'am, we're here."  
  
This was it, the moment of truth. She hadn't seen Jed, nor had she talked to him in a year. How would he react to seeing her? Was he still as angry with her as she was with him? The two had exchanged bitter words during their last meeting. She'd be crazy to think that all was forgiven. Would he welcome her with open arms, or throw her out of the building? She was about to find out.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Summary: Jed remembers the day that Zoey was killed  
  
As Abbey's car pulled up to the White House, the President was informed of his estranged wife's arrival. A wave of excitement and anger came over him. He couldn't imagine why Abbey was back. She swore she wouldn't be back, not to the White House and certainly not to him, at least, as long as he was President. Was she sick or hurt, he wondered. He knew Liz and Ellie were okay, as he talked to them on the phone every day. But something had to be wrong with Abbey for her to be back to this place she dreaded.  
  
Jed greeted her as she came into the Oval Office. His first instinct was to give her a kiss on the cheek, just like he had always done when she returned from a trip. But this was different. Abbey wasn't back from a trip. She had been gone for a year. Jed approached her, then held back, stepping a few steps to the side.  
  
"Abbey," was all he could get out.  
  
"Hi, Jed."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine. I just wanted to pop in."  
  
"You don't just pop in from New Hampshire, Abbey. What's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Are you in trouble? Do you need something?" he asked rather coldly.  
  
Okay, he's angry, she thought. Perhaps he had reason to be. She broke his heart when she walked out on him, even though she felt it was his own fault.  
  
"No. I just wanted to see you."  
  
"The last time you saw me, you pretty much said it would be the last time you saw me."  
  
"And I was wrong."  
  
"Look, Abbey, I have senior staff in 10 minutes. So, if you came here for a reason..." he started as he walked towards the door.  
  
"When are you going to tell them?" she asked.  
  
"Tell who?"  
  
"Your staff? When are you going to tell them that you're sick?"  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
"You're sick, Jed! You're sick and you need a doctor. From what CJ tells me, you've been avoiding Admiral Hackett, insisting that you're fine."  
  
"CJ has a big mouth."  
  
"She's concerned. And so am I. Your eyes are red and glossy, your speech is slurred. You look like hell, Jed."  
  
"Get out of my office, Abbey," he answered calmly, but with angry undertones.  
  
Abbey walked closer to her husband, putting her hand on his arm, "let me take a look at you."  
  
He pulled away sharply and looked her in the eye, "I said please leave."  
  
Abbey knew he was serious. Now wasn't the time to have this discussion. She turned and walked out of the office, closing the door behind her and sparking a memory in Jed.  
  
Flashback  
  
The night that Abbey found out about Shareef's assassination, she completely shut him out. He tried to get her to listen, but his pleas were only met with bitter words and cold stares. They attended a vigil for Zoey and she wouldn't even take his hand. His daughter Ellie was the only one who stood beside him that night. The next several days were filled with silence. Abbey wouldn't even look at him anymore. She moved out of the bedroom, opting instead to sleep in one of the other rooms in the residence. And then, it happened. The call they had been waiting for. Leo rushed to the residence to tell them that Zoey had been found. She had somehow alluded her abductors and made a call from her cell phone. Abbey, Jed, Ellie, and Elizabeth boarded Marine One and headed to where she was. When the helicopter landed in some vacant field in North Carolina, now surrounded by police lights and sirens, the family began running. Abbey had taken Jed's hand for the first time in days and the two sprinted towards their daughter.  
  
Only, they couldn't find her. When Jed saw Ron Butterfield, he felt a sense of relief.  
  
"Where is she?" he asked her.  
  
"Mr. President, calm down."  
  
"Ron, where is Zoey?"  
  
"Where's my daughter?" Abbey asked.  
  
"She's in there," Ron replied, pointing to the farmhouse in the distance. "We didn't have as much control over the situation as we thought. She is alive, but they've taken her hostage."  
  
"Who are they?" the President asked.  
  
"Qumari nationals."  
  
Abbey let go of Jed's hand and pulled her hands up to her face. She had been hoping this wasn't retalliation. She had been hoping they were just dumb kids, playing a joke that went too far, that they never really intended to kidnap Zoey and that they'd return her safely.  
  
"What do they want?" Jed asked.  
  
"We don't know, Sir."  
  
"Tell them to let her go. They can take me."  
  
"Or me," Abbey added. She was frozen. She didn't know what else to say. She would give up herself in a second to save Zoey.  
  
"Sir, we're doing everything we can right now to talk to them, maybe get them to surrender or to let her go, but now isn't the time..."  
  
Ron was cut off by the sound of a large blast. It was the farmhouse, now on fire. The explosion rocked the area, shooting flames up in the air, and wreaking havoc among all the law enforcement outside.  
  
It was like a slow motion movie. All Jed remembered is hearing a piercing sound, a sound he'll never forget. It was the sound of his wife's scream.  
  
"Zoooooooeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!"  
  
Jed was brought out of his thoughts by Charlie leading Leo and the senior staff walking into the Oval Office.  
  
"Look, something's come up. I can't do this right now."  
  
"What is it, sir?" Leo asked.  
  
"It's personal." He began to walk out before stopping and turning back to his staff. "CJ, I told you once before, don't play marriage counselor. It pisses me off. Do it again and I'll ask for your resignation."  
  
"Yes sir" CJ responded. She knew Abbey must have told them about their conversation. Jed's attitude was nothing new though. Ever since Zoey's death, the President wasn't the man he once was. They all understood, but that didn't mean they liked working for a man who yelled at them, berated them, and acted like a jackass just because he could.  
  
Jed walked out of the Oval Office. His staff followed Leo to his office to continue their meeting.  
  
Meanwhile, Abbey was back in the Residence, knowing Jed would soon check in on her. He may be angry, but he was also curious about what brought her back and she knew that. Sure enough, it didn't take long. He walked in, letting the door slam shut behind him.  
  
"Abbey, I may have been a little harsh back there. I just want to know why you're here."  
  
"Now isn't the time to get into our thing. I came back because I really am concerned about you, Jed."  
  
"There's no reason to be. I've been feeling a little run-down. That's all."  
  
"When I touched your arm before, you seemed a little warm. Do you have a fever?"  
  
"No," he said, lying to her.  
  
"Please let me...let me just check you out."  
  
"No. I don't want to do this with you. I am glad that you're here, for whatever reason and I hope that maybe we can talk, but not about that."  
  
"Jed, I'm still your wife."  
  
Jed's expression changed. Once again, Abbey saw fury in his eyes. "You're my wife? Is that what you still are?"  
  
"We're still married."  
  
"In name only, Abigail."  
  
"I still care about you."  
  
"You left me! You're the one who walked out that door!"  
  
"Yes, and you know why! You brought it on yourself, Jed! You and your lies, your secrets!" she shouted.  
  
Jed turned to his wife and took a step towards her, then collapsed on the floor in front of her. Abbey tried to grab him as he fell, but she couldn't hold him up. Instead, she fell to the ground with him.  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Warning: This story contains subject matter about the loss of the First Couple's adult daughter. It may be disturbing to some readers  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Summary: Leo remembers Jed and Abbey's reactions to the explosion  
  
Admiral Hackett examined the President, and put him back in bed. Jed had passed out, but he wasn't in serious danger, at least, not at the moment. Hackett believed he really did have the flu. Of course, because of his MS, the flu, in Jed's case, was more severe. His immune system couldn't fight back like a healthy person's. Any illness could trigger an attack, and even worse, it could trigger the start of secondary progressive MS. The thought terrified Abbey.  
  
Jed was drugged and in and out of sleep for hours, as Abbey sat by his bedside. Eventually, Leo came in to check on his friend. Jed and Leo's relationship had also been strained since Zoey's death, not because Jed blamed Leo, but because Leo blamed himself. And the fact that Jed had taken on a new personality didn't help matters much. Leo tried to be there for him, but was turned away time after time. Jed had basically retreated into himself.  
  
Abbey halfheartedly thanked Leo for his concern when he first walked into the room, then turned back to her husband. It was touching to Leo to see Abbey reach out to Jed in his time of need, especially with the way they had left things. Jed thought Abbey would never come back, not even for his funeral. Zoey's death was hard enough, but to lose Abbey on top of that was unbearable for him. A part of him died the day he buried his daughter. Another part of him died the day Abbey walked out on him.  
  
Leo thought back to the last time Abbey showed concern for her husband.  
  
Flashback  
  
The farmhouse had just exploded with Zoey inside. Abbey cried out her name as she ran towards the flames. Determined to stop her, Jed ran up to her, grabbing her to pull her back. There's no greater physical strength than a mother on a mission to protect her child, as Jed quickly found out. He pushed her down on the ground, underneath himself, in order to stop her from getting any closer to the burning building. When two agents approached, he put Abbey in their arms. As they took care of her, Jed made a run for it, sprinting towards the farmhouse. In the chaos, the agents didn't even realize he had slipped away.  
  
He went into the farmhouse, calling her name. The smoke was so thick, he couldn't see anything. He had only his jacket to put over his mouth. He walked around the burning beams, tripping a few times, before finding his daughter. Zoey's limp body lay motionless in front of him. He grabbed her, but before he could carry her out, he fell down himself.  
  
It was Abbey, still on the outside, who realized he was missing. She screamed for someone to find her husband, knowing he had probably gone in after Zoey. When agents and police officers scurried to the farmhouse, Abbey grabbed Leo.  
  
"Please, Leo, help me! Please help Zoey and Jed" she cried.  
  
Leo held her in his arms, unable to promise her that they'd be safe. He just held her close as she cried. An agent finally carried Zoey out. Abbey had never run so fast in her life. Leaving Leo behind, she raced to Zoey's side. It was too late.  
  
"We've lost her, ma'am. They had already shot her," one of the officers told her.  
  
Abbey crawled on top of her daughter, sobbing. The only person she responded to was Jed, who was finally out of the building. He was walking now, but barely. A waiting ambulance was ready to take him to the hospital to make sure he was okay, but he wouldn't leave Abbey, not like that. She grabbed his arm, pulling him down to her as they both cradled a lifeless Zoey.  
  
"Leo?" Abbey called.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Yeah?"  
  
"I asked if you could clear Jed's schedule for a few days. I think he's going to need some time to recover."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Thanks," she replied.  
  
"Abbey, I'm glad you're here. After the way you left, I thought..."  
  
"I'm not going to get into that with you, Leo. My only concern at the moment is Jed," she said looking over at her husband. "He's still the father of my children."  
  
Leo left the bedroom, causing Jed to stir.  
  
"Leo," he called out weakly.  
  
"It's okay, honey. Do you want him? I'll get him for you," Abbey assured him.  
  
"Abbey? You're still here. Am I dreaming?"  
  
"No, you're not. How do you feel?"  
  
"Dizzy and groggy."  
  
"Admiral Hackett gave you some medicine to help you feel better," she said while brushing a few stray strands of hair out of his eyes.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"He says it's the flu."  
  
"Abbey?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Between us?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"It's not the flu. I've been sick for a while. I don't know what it is, but it's not the flu."  
  
"I know" she answered.  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Summary: CJ reflects on Zoey's funeral. Jed has a tough question for Abbey.  
  
"So what do you think it is?" Jed asked.  
  
"Could be a number of things," Abbey answered.  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Jed, we really shouldn't talk about this right now."  
  
"You wouldn't have come back unless you thought it was...it's the MS, isn't it?"  
  
"Jed."  
  
"Abbey, you've always been honest with me."  
  
Abbey looked into his eyes, knowing he was right. She had never lied to him before about anything and she would never lie to him about his health. "I don't know what's wrong. It could be a relapse and nothing more."  
  
"Or it could be the start of the next chapter, the next phase."  
  
"You're jumping ahead."  
  
"And so are you. That's why you're here."  
  
"You should get some more sleep. Your body obviously needs it."  
  
Abbey raised the blanket to cover Jed, softly tucking him into bed. She got up from the bed and sat down in the chair next to him.  
  
Hours later, Abbey headed over to the West Wing. She approached CJ's office and was immediately greeted with a smile and a hug from the Press Secretary.  
  
"How is he?" CJ asked.  
  
"He's sleeping. I wanted to talk to you about your briefing and what you're going to tell the press."  
  
"It's the flu, right?"  
  
Abbey paused a moment before answering, "yeah."  
  
"That's what I'll tell them. The President is sick with the flu. Doctors are taking excellent care of him and he should be up and about in no time at all."  
  
"Okay," Abbey replied hesitantly.  
  
"Mrs. Bartlet? There's something else. People are going to ask. They're going to want to know if you're back for good."  
  
"I don't know the answer to that myself, CJ." After an awkward silence, she continued, "but I do want to thank you...for telling me, for getting me back here. I'm glad I came."  
  
"Me too, Ma'am."  
  
"He didn't give you a hard time, did he?" Abbey asked.  
  
"Let's just say he warned me not to get in the middle of this."  
  
"My husband is an enormous jackass, isn't he?" Abbey said with a smile. CJ returned the smile as the First Lady gave her a quick hug and walked out.  
  
As CJ watched her leave, she thought about how much different Abbey seemed. The past year had taken several years off her life. She was more bitter, more reserved, colder. She couldn't blame her. The pain a parent must go through after losing a child was unimaginable. And yet, she saw it with her own eyes. The pain was very much evident at Zoey's funeral.  
  
Flashback:  
  
Leo met with senior staff early that morning. He told them all what to expect. The First Family was grieving in a way he had never seen before. He warned CJ to keep the press as far away as possible, something she had already taken care of.  
  
The President was being seen regularly by doctors to make sure his MS wasn't giving him any trouble. As for Abbey -- she was being sedated. Jed hated doing that to her, but it was the only way they could control her grief. He was worried about her, for her. There were times in the previous days when he was afraid to leave her side, concerned she would hurt herself.  
  
All the drugs turned Abbey into a zombie. She said nothing at all during the funeral. The only sign they had that she was still with them showed up every now and then with a lone tear falling out of her eye and down her cheek.  
  
As they walked towards the cemetary, Abbey began to collapse. A few agents began to approach her as she went down, but Jed was the first to grab her and pull her back up, waving everyone else away. Everyone continued walking. It was just a little bump in the tragic day. To CJ, it was a sign that the First Lady wasn't well. At that moment, she didn't know if Abbey Bartlet would ever be well again.  
  
The next day was a good one for Jed. His temperature was finally down to normal. Abbey was convinced it was a combination of getting the rest he needed and the medication Admiral Hackett had given him. Jed knew part of the reason was because Abbey was by his side.  
  
"Does this mean it's not the other thing?" he asked her.  
  
"We're not out of the woods yet."  
  
"But I feel fine. In fact, I feel like going to the office."  
  
He tried to get out of bed, but Abbey pushed him right back down. "Don't you dare."  
  
"Abbey."  
  
"You may feel fine, Jed, but you're not fine. Not yet. So you just lay there and talk to me."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About CJ. It's not her fault, you know. I wanted to come."  
  
"I don't want to talk about CJ. I do want to know what your plans are."  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"Meaning my fever is down, I'm feeling okay. How long are you planning to stay?"  
  
"Jed."  
  
"Abbey, I want to know. Are you going back to New Hampshire?"  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Summary: After remembering a distraught Abbey turning to medication, Leo becomes very concerned  
  
"Meaning my fever is down, I'm feeling okay. How long are you planning to stay?"  
  
"Jed."  
  
"Abbey, I want to know. Are you going back to New Hampshire?"  
  
"I don't know" she answered honestly.  
  
"How long are you going to punish me?" he asked with a sigh.  
  
"Just yesterday you said you didn't want me here."  
  
"That's right, because I knew this is what you were going to do. You run away. You've always run away."  
  
"Do you remember what happened the last time we had this conversation?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah and I don't care. I don't need your pity."  
  
"Pity?"  
  
"You came here because you thought I was having a relapse."  
  
"Jed, that isn't the only reason I'm here. I'm here because I care about what happens to you."  
  
"Please," he uttered while rolling his eyes.  
  
"I'm not going to talk to you about this now," she said, getting up to leave.  
  
"No, of course you're not. We always work on your timetable anyway, don't we?"  
  
Abbey stared at her husband for a few moments before she left the room, calmly shutting the door behind her.  
  
Just outside the door, she ran into Leo.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked.  
  
"Just checking up on the President."  
  
"He's up, but he shouldn't be stressed out right now."  
  
"I wasn't planning on stressing him out, just asking how he is." The two stared at each other for a minute before Leo continued. "Abbey, this may not be the right time to ask, but are you going to leave once he's better?"  
  
"That's none of your business."  
  
"I'm asking as a friend," he said, touching her arm.  
  
Abbey pulled away from his grasp, "No, you're asking as my husband's top political advisor. If I leave, you'll have more damage control, more war room spin you'll have to come up with. Again, it's none of your business," she said while reaching in to her purse.  
  
"He missed you, Abbey."  
  
Abbey took out a bottle of pills. "Leo, I really think you're the last person who should be getting in the middle of this."  
  
Abbey was still angry. He knew that. After Zoey's abduction, the two had a bitter exchange. It wasn't just Jed that Abbey blamed. She put part of the blame on Leo's shoulders as well. She was furious with both men and while she may now be back out of her love for Jed, she hadn't completely forgiven either one.  
  
Leo stared at Abbey as she walked away, carrying the bottle. He knew exactly what it was she had in her hand. He was the only person who knew.  
  
Flashback  
  
Leo's thoughts brought him back to the day of Zoey's funeral. The service was over and Jed had retreated to his office. He claimed he had work to do, but everyone knew he couldn't concentrate on work. He was there because he wanted to be alone. The one person he wanted to talk to, to comfort -- Abbey -- didn't want him. Abbey stayed in their bedroom. She sent Liz and Ellie out, claiming to have a headache. It wasn't long before Leo came up to check on her, but his concern was met with sarcasm and bitterness.  
  
"Leave me alone" she said.  
  
He tried to reach out, "I don't think you should be alone right now."  
  
"I don't care what you think."  
  
Leo began to leave, but turned around to get one more look at her. He saw her pick up a glass of water, along with two pills. She swallowed the pills before looking back at him.  
  
"What?" she asked with a stern glare. "What, Leo? They're just anxiety pills. They help me sleep."  
  
"Did the doctor prescribed them?"  
  
"You mean the one who kept me drugged all week? No. He just provided me with more."  
  
"I'm not laughing," he said, responding to her grin.  
  
"Relax. It's just Xanax. The doctor's been giving me Valium."  
  
"Does he know you're combining the two?"  
  
"I'm a big girl, Leo. I think I can take care of myself. Why don't you go tend to Jed? Maybe he's in the mood for a patronizing lecture."  
  
"I wasn't trying to patronize you."  
  
"You never try, Leo. You just succeed."  
  
Realizing she was going to twist and spin every word he said, Leo left the room.  
  
Leo followed Abbey to the kitchen in the Residence, where he saw her drinking a glass of water. This time, she was taking four pills. Abbey caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye.  
  
"For God's sake, Leo, you scared the hell out of me! What are you doing?"  
  
"Good old Xanax? Or is it Valium...or both?"  
  
Abbey began to walk away as Leo shouted after her. "You're headed down a dangerous road, Abbey."  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Dislcaimers: See Chapter 1  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Summary: Leo tries to tell Jed he's concerned about Abbey  
  
After Zoey's funeral, Leo had never talked to Jed about seeing Abbey taking those pills. He figured it was a short-term crutch and it really was none of his business. He did try to get Jed to notice on his own, but when that failed, he decided to give Abbey time and space to deal with it herself. But now, a year later, Abbey hadn't stopped. He wondered if she was addicted, or at the very least, headed towards addiction. She wouldn't listen to him. But maybe she would listen to her husband. After all, she came back to Washington to help Jed. Maybe she'd allow Jed to help her.  
  
Leo was introduced by Charlie as he entered the bedroom. He was shocked to see Jed up and getting dressed.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"What does it look like? I have that conference call with James Baraki this afternoon."  
  
"No, Mr. President, you don't. I cancelled it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Abbey told me to."  
  
"Damn it, Leo, she doesn't make those kinds of decisions!" Jed shouted. "Why the hell didn't you come to me?"  
  
"She told me to clear your schedule for a few days and at the time, you really were pretty sick. I thought she was right."  
  
"Abbey is not my doctor, she's not my anything right now. You take your orders from me...no one else."  
  
"Yes, sir," Leo said with a hint of anger.  
  
Jed saw the look on Leo's face. He knew he shouldn't have reacted the way he did. Leo was just following Abbey's suggestion, something he had done for years. If the President was unavailable to make personal decisions, it was understood by Leo that Abbey would make them for him. But things were different now. Jed was different. Ever since Abbey walked out the door, something inside him changed. He, too, was bitter and cold.  
  
"I'm sorry, Leo," he said.  
  
"Are you really feeling better?"  
  
"Of course. I do want to sit down for a minute. My legs just kind of hurt," Jed replied as he sat down on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Do you want me to get Admiral Hackett?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Abbey?"  
  
"No! No Abbey. I'm fine."  
  
"Sir," Leo started. "I..."  
  
He was interrupted by Abbey coming into the room.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing," Jed answered.  
  
"Don't give me that, Jed. You're wearing a dress shirt. Are you going somewhere?"  
  
"I have some work I need to get done."  
  
"The hell you do," Abbey responded. She walked over to the bed, gently pulling the covers on him. "Just rest."  
  
In a situation like this, Jed would usually protest, but not this time. This time, he really wasn't feeling great and though he didn't tell Abbey or Leo that, he knew staying in bed was a wise move.  
  
"I'll be going, Mr. President," Leo said.  
  
"Wait. There was something you wanted to tell me."  
  
Abbey turned around to face Leo. He met her glance before continuing.  
  
"It can wait, Sir. It was nothing."  
  
"Okay. Thanks, Leo."  
  
Leo and Abbey exchanged another glance just before he left. When the door closed behind him, Leo was hit with another memory.  
  
Flashback  
  
Leo stood in his office, reading the newspaper article CJ had just handed him. He slammed the paper down on his desk and looked at the Press Secretary.  
  
"Who the hell leaked it?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Find out."  
  
"Leo, it's been a week since the funeral. The First Lady hasn't left her bedroom. People are noticing."  
  
"It's none of their business!"  
  
"I know that, but this is a big place and people talk to each other. It would be easy for any reporter to overhear a conversation, to get curious, and ask questions."  
  
"CJ, right now, your job isn't to speculate how they found out. It's to find out who leaked it."  
  
CJ nodded as she left the room. Leo went into the Oval Office, knowing he had to be the one to tell Jed what's going on.  
  
"What is it, Leo?" Jed asked.  
  
"Sir, there's a situation brewing. CJ's trying to get to the bottom of it now."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's about Abbey," a hesitant Leo continued. "It seems someone leaked it to the press that she hasn't come out of the bedroom since the funeral."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"They're saying she's been drugged and depressed."  
  
"Oh for Heaven's sake."  
  
"Sir, maybe you could talk to her. All she has to do is make a short appearance just around the garden, or in her office. Anything to get the press to back off."  
  
"Grief is a private thing, Leo. I will not tell my wife she has to act a certain way to appease the press corps. We lost our daughter. Do you know what that's like?"  
  
"No, Sir, I can only imagine."  
  
"No, you can't, not unless you've been through it. I'm not supposed to be here. I wasn't going to come in today. The only reason I'm here is because I can't stand the thought of staying in the Residence and replaying that scene in my mind over and over again, like I have since the day... I'm not going to tell Abbey she has to get over it. She'll take her time and she'll work through it in her own way."  
  
"And you?"  
  
"I'm getting back to work. That's the only way I know how not to fall apart right now. You can tell the press that my wife will be just fine, in her own time."  
  
Jed was right. Abbey had every right to grieve in her own time and Leo knew that. But he was hoping that Jed would somehow see through Abbey and realize she was in trouble. The press called it. She was depressed, she was taking drugs, and in Leo's mind, she needed help before it became a problem. But he knew now wasn't the time to tell Jed. He decided to give Abbey a chance to tell him herself, in hopes that it would help them heal together.  
  
"Yes, Sir," was all Leo could say.  
  
He turned to leave when Jed's voice stopped him.  
  
"Besides, she won't talk to me."  
  
"What?" Leo replied.  
  
"Abbey. She's shut me out. She won't talk to me, she won't let me hold her, comfort her, nothing. She blames me."  
  
"I know she blamed you before..." he trailed off, not wanting to mention Zoey's death, "...but I saw her that night outside the farmhouse. I saw her face when she thought you had run into the burning building. She was genuinely scared she lost you. She was scared you wouldn't make it out alive."  
  
"I wish I hadn't," Jed said, sparking anger in Leo.  
  
"Don't go there, Jed!"  
  
"I'm not suicidal, Leo. I'm just saying if only one of us could make it, I would give anything for it to have been Zoey."  
  
Leo looked at his friend with sadness as tears filled Jed's eyes.  
  
Leo shook his head at the painful memory and headed towards the West Wing.  
  
Back in Jed and Abbey's bedroom, Abbey was thinking back to her prior conversation with Leo when Jed interrupted.  
  
"Abbey?"  
  
"I'm sorry, what?"  
  
"You're a million miles away. What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm just thinking about you. How are you, really?"  
  
"I'm fine, really. I would like an answer to my question though."  
  
"Not now, Jed, please."  
  
"Abbey? Are you okay?" he asked, sensing something was wrong.  
  
"Yeah. I was going to tell you that I can sleep in here tonight, if you want me to...just to make sure you're okay."  
  
Jed welcomed the offer with a warm smile.  
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter 7

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Previously: Jed accepted Abbey's offer to spend the night in the same room and keep an eye on him. Leo backed out of telling Jed about Abbey's pill popping.  
  
Summary: Jed's health gives him more trouble  
  
For the first time in a year, Jed and Abbey spent the night in the same room. When Jed woke up the next morning, he felt a sense of closeness to his wife. It was a feeling that had gone away even before she moved out last year. The bond they shared was shattered the night Abbey learned that one of Jed's Presidential orders could have led to the abduction of their daughter.  
  
Jed leaned over Abbey's sleeping body and gave her a gentle kiss on the top of her nose. She began to move, but he pulled the blanket over her and she settled back into sleep. He got out of bed and headed for the shower. Today, he was going back to his office.  
  
By the time Jed was out of the shower, Abbey had woken up and had breakfast brought up to the room. She knew Jed was going back to work, but she was comfortable with that decision, knowing that she would stay at the Residence in case he needed her. For Abbey, the previous night was a godsend. So many nights she spent alone in New Hampshire, longing for his touch. She was furious with him, but if he only knew how many times she picked up the phone to call him, only to lose her nerve and hang up. And now, here she was, back in his arms.  
  
Husband and wife sat down to breakfast together before Jed left for his office. There was no arguing, no blaming, just talking. It wasn't even about anything in particular, just simple discussions that seemed reminiscent of happier, less worrisome times. It was a great start to what Jed thought would be a great day. He didn't realize that by nighttime, his health would be cause for concern once again.  
  
Within minutes of arriving in the Oval Office, Jed summoned CJ. He apologized to her for taking his feelings towards Abbey out on her. To say that CJ was surprised would be an understatement. For a solid year, Jed had been a jerk to his entire staff and the only person who ever heard an apology, on a rare occasion, was Leo. But now that Abbey was back, his attitude had changed. His entire demeanor had changed. He had his wife and it was as if that's all he ever needed.  
  
In that moment, CJ felt they had their old President back -- the man they all worked so hard to get elected, the man she admired more than any other, next to her father. But even though Jed's emotional state was starting to return to normal, he was about to find out his health couldn't have been worse.  
  
As he stood there talking to CJ, he felt a slight tingle in his legs. He had felt this before, but never with such intensity. Jed pulled up his chair and sat down.  
  
"Are you okay, Sir?" CJ asked.  
  
"Yeah, my legs are just tired," he said. But right away Jed knew this wasn't just him feeling tired. His legs were hurting badly. The tingling was now a burning sensation and only moments later, he couldn't feel his right leg. "Get Abbey!" he blurted out.  
  
CJ ran out of the office and a few short minutes later, Abbey came running in. She asked CJ to excuse them as she tended to her husband.  
  
"Can you feel it?" she asked, referring to his leg.  
  
"Yeah, the feeling's back."  
  
"Jed? Look at me."  
  
He looked right in her eyes.  
  
"Don't you lie to me. Can you feel both your legs?"  
  
"Yes. I swear. I just got a little scared. I'm fine now."  
  
"No, you're not," she answered, reminding him that his eyes are still red and puffy and that his fatigue really hadn't gotten much better, despite the fact that he spent a couple of days in bed. She insisted she take him back to the Residence and despite his argument, she won this battle. Abbey instructed Charlie to tell Leo that Jed still wasn't feeling well and that he needed another day or two, then escorted him back to the bedroom.  
  
Jed's legs were still shaky, so he leaned on Abbey's shoulders all the way to the bedroom. She took out his pajamas and helped him get undressed, then tucked him back into bed before grabbing a chair to sit next to him.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said to her as she raised the blanket to cover him.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"I don't mean to be this much trouble."  
  
"What? Jed, you're my husband. I'm here to take care of you, always. Don't you forget that," she told him as she ran her hand through his hair. "Go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up."  
  
He closed his eyes and she drifted off into thought.  
  
Flashback  
  
Abbey was laying in bed, staring off into space. It had been four weeks since Zoey's death and this was how she spent most of her days. She wanted to be alone, completely alone. She wouldn't even take calls from Liz and Ellie. She had shut everyone out, not just Jed. But Jed was the one who was taking it the hardest.  
  
He came into the bedroom, hoping to help her, just as he had done most mornings. But once again, she didn't want his help. She told him to leave, but he didn't listen and because of that, they had one of the worst fights of their lives.  
  
"I hate watching you like this, Abbey. You haven't eaten, you haven't slept. You haven't done anything but stare at that wall for a month now!" he told her, trying to only sound loving, and failing miserably.  
  
"Just go away."  
  
"Not until you talk to me." Jed sat on the bed next to her. "You blame me. I know you do. You blame my decision for what happened to Zoey." She stared at him as he attempted to reason with her. "Abbey, if I would have known, if I ever would have suspected that..." he stopped to take a breath, "...she was my daughter too! I loved her. I would have sacrificed my life for hers."  
  
"Who are you trying to convince -- me or yourself?" she asked him coldly.  
  
Jed grabbed her arm and gently tried to pull her out of bed. His tugs were met with restraint, so he let go, not wanting to hurt her. Abbey got out of the bed and pulled away to avoid him.  
  
"You won't talk to me, fine. At least talk to Elizabeth and Ellie. They're worried sick about you."  
  
"They know I'm fine."  
  
"No, they don't, because you're anything but fine. You lay around here like a zombie."  
  
"Oh gee, I guess I've been necglecting my chores. Wouldn't want the 'little woman' to just lay around, now would we?" she said sarcastically.  
  
No matter what Jed said, it was met with cold, harsh sarcasm. She was angry and it wasn't just a subtle anger. She felt rage inside her that she had never really felt before. It was rage primarily directed at those who killed her daughter, but since the killers died in the explosion, the rage could easily be misdirected at another target. The closest one to her at the moment was Jed.  
  
"Knock it off, Abbey. You know damn well what I meant." Jed approached her and softened his tone. "I know you're still grieving and that's fine. I want you to take your time, but you also have two other daughters who love and need you."  
  
How dare he throw Ellie and Liz in her face, Abbey thought. They were adults. It isn't like she had abandoned them. And after his part in Zoey's death, how dare he question her skills as a mother. The anger continued to build inside her and she hoped Jed would just shut up and leave the room before she did or said something she'd regret forever. But it was clear he wasn't going to give up. It was up to her to end the conversation, and that's what she tried to do. She turned her back to him, but even that didn't work. He grabbed her arm, turning her to face him.  
  
"Don't do this. You always run away," he said.  
  
"Let go of my arm," she told him bitterly.  
  
He loosened his hold before continuing, "Stay here and talk this out with me."  
  
"No."  
  
"Abbey, I can't do this alone. I need you. We need to face our daughter's death together."  
  
"You know, I don't remember you asking me for help when you planned an execution."  
  
Jed paused for a beat. "Do you feel better now? Does it make you feel superior to throw that in my face?"  
  
Abbey knew she was hurting him and despite her anger, that isn't what she wanted to do. Right now, all she wanted was to get out of that situation before it turned uglier.  
  
"I'm leaving," she said, walking towards the door.  
  
"Go ahead and run. Hell, if Zoey actually were here, you'd run from her too."  
  
That was the line and he just crossed it. She couldn't bear to hear him say something like that, knowing that she would give anything to hold Zoey once more. His words stopped Abbey dead in her tracks. She turned back around to face him and slapped him across his left cheek with such force that her hand was still burning an hour later. His head jerked to the right as he lifted his hand to cover his face.  
  
Jed and Abbey stared at one another for what seemed like several minutes. He knew he pushed her to it, but he still couldn't believe she lost control like that, and neither could she. She had never struck him before and her actions had never hurt him like they had this time. Emotionally, it may have hurt her more than it hurt him.  
  
Jed glared at her. She was no longer the only one who was angry. He left, slamming the door behind him. Abbey covered her mouth with her hand and remained staring in the direction in which he had been standing.  
  
Abbey leaned forward and traced her finger across his face, kissing him gently on his left cheek. She continued to watch him sleep until she was disturbed by Charlie, announcing Admiral Hackett's arrival. He walked in and immediately sat down next to the bed, making sure not to wake Jed just yet.  
  
"You know what I'm thinking?" Abbey asked.  
  
"Yeah, but we won't know until we run some tests. Even then, we may just have to wait and see."  
  
"If it is..." she broke off, not able to finish the sentence. "...please, don't tell him."  
  
"I'm going to have to, Ma'am. I can't keep it from him."  
  
"Of course, I know. But please, let me be the one. He'll take it better coming from me."  
  
Hackett nodded, then turned to Jed.  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

The Heart Brings You Back Chapter 7  
  
Previously: Abbey worried that Jed's symptoms could be indicative of a more serious illness as she waited for his test results to come back  
  
Summary:  
  
Abbey waited nervously outside the bedroom. She had spoken to Admiral Hackett and now she had to get herself ready for the hard part -- telling Jed the news. It wouldn't be easy and she knew that, but she hoped and prayed it wouldn't be as difficult as she was imagining. She opened the door, slowly peeking her eyes through the crack to see if he was still asleep.  
  
"Abbey?" he called. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Nothing, I didn't want to disturb you," she replied, walking in to the room. "How do you feel?"  
  
He shook his head as she approached the bed, sitting on the edge.  
  
"What is it?" he asked her, seeing the confusion and pain in her eyes.  
  
"You've had multiple attacks in the past year...and there's some sign of progression. There's a possibility that what you're experiencing is the M.S. getting worse."  
  
No surprises. They knew that.  
  
"It could be the start of Secondary Progressive M.S.," she continued.  
  
"Could be?"  
  
"Some of the tests were inconclusive since you're having a relapse right now. Hackett wants to wait a month or two, then do a few more tests...including another spinal tap. In the meantime, he wants you to start a course of prednisone...very low dosage...just to see if it helps with the discomfort, relieves the inflamation."  
  
"What else?" he asked.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Abbey, what aren't you telling me?"  
  
Abbey looked down, not able to look at his face. He was searching for answers and she didn't have them all. She felt helpless.  
  
"Because of the pain and tingling in your leg, we need to think about the possibility that you may need help getting around." Jed's eyes shifted, freezing on a spot on the wall. "I want you to start using a cane to help you. I'm also ordering a wheelchair just in case things get worse..."  
  
"No," he said softly.  
  
"Jed, I'm so sorry."  
  
"I said no. I'm not going to wheel myself around this place. It's not going to happen."  
  
Jed lifted himself off the bed against Abbey's protests. He began getting dressed, pushing Abbey's hands away when she tried to assist. His pride took over, casting all logic aside. He was bound and determined to get out of the room and away from the woman he loved before he broke down in front of her. When he finally managed to put on a sweatshirt and pair of pants, he left the room, leaving his wife sitting on the bed, clutching his pillow.  
  
It would be hours before Abbey would see Jed again. He needed to be alone and she understood. Her heart broke for him and for what he was facing. She couldn't imagine the physical pain he was going through, or the emotional betrayal he felt everytime he realized his body was turning on him. His immune system -- the very thing that was supposed to protect him against outside disease -- was now attacking him and causing his body to deteriorate. For Abbey, the worst part was that she couldn't do anything to help him. She was a doctor, but this was out of her hands. The only thing she could do was sit back and watch, a role that devastated her.  
  
When Jed walked back into the Residence that night, Abbey had dinner waiting on the table. She hoped that he had absorbed the information enough to have a rational discussion with her about it. If he was just open to what this meant, she was convinced they could get through it together. But to Jed, ending up in a wheelchair signaled the end of who he was. He felt defeated. He always knew this day would come, but he prayed he'd be out of the White House and away from all the public scrutiny when it did.  
  
Jed walked over to the table, looking at Abbey sitting at the opposite end, then he walked away, turning away from her. Abbey slowly rose and walked over to him, putting her hand on his shoulders.  
  
"We can get through this. Let me help." She got no answer, so she continued, "Jed, we knew this was eventually going to happen. Now that it has, we're prepared. We can handle it."  
  
We? There is no we he thought, as he shrugged her hand away.Something was different, she thought. He wasn't just upset. He was angry. He wasn't talking, he wasn't even looking at her.  
  
"We're a team, remember?" she continued.  
  
Still no response. Abbey walked around him so she could look at his face. He stared coldly at the wall behind her, as if looking right through her.  
  
"Jed? Talk to me, please," she begged.  
  
Before Jed had a chance to answer, he looked to the corner, where he saw the wheelchair Abbey had ordered. She wanted to make this easier on him and figured he'd come around. She knew the last thing he needed was to shop for the chair himself. The timing couldn't have been worse. Jed looked at her, surprised by her actions. He had told her he had no intention of sitting in a wheelchair and yet, she went ahead and bought one.  
  
"You really think you make all my decisions, don't you?" he said. "First you tell Leo to cancel my meetings..."  
  
"I did that for your own good," she interrupted.  
  
"I still get a say in what's for my own good, Abbey. You don't get to decide everything."  
  
He had a right to be upset. He had a right to lash out. But she worried that his temper would cause his disease to flare. She tried to end the discussion and keep things civil, for his sake. But he didn't want that. He wanted to fight. Not because he really was angry with her, but because taking his frustration out on someone gave him the distraction he needed to continue to deny what was happening to him. It was a strategy they had both perfected over the course of their marriage.  
  
"Why won't you just let me help you?" she asked him.  
  
He turned away from her once again.  
  
"Don't push me away. Not now," she pleaded.  
  
Still no answer, no sign that he was even listening.  
  
"I love you," she said finally, hoping that would provoke some response.  
  
Jed knew she loved him, even if she hadn't said it in more than a year. He didn't need to hear it. All he had to do was look into her eyes to see the love she had for him. She said she would never be back to the White House. And yet, here she was, where he needed her to be. Sure, she left him when he needed her last time, but that wasn't as much about him as it was about her. This time, she was there and he trusted her to stay there. So why was it so hard, he wondered. Why couldn't he admit he was getting worse, that he needed help -- her help? She had taken care of his MS for more than a decade. Why couldn't he turn to her when he needed her the most?  
  
He didn't know the answer to those questions, but when he turned to face her and looked into her hazel eyes and saw the tears beginning to form after her declaration of love, he melted. He silently and quietly chastised himself for being so hard on her when all she wanted to do was be there for him, to support him, and to love him. He couldn't bring himself to let her in, but he couldn't stand there and try to hurt her either. He loved her too much to do that.  
  
Flashback  
  
Jed had reached the end of his rope. Dealing with Abbey's depression, his duties as President, and his broken heart since Zoey's death a month earlier had taken its toll, both physically and emotionally. He wanted to reach out to his wife. She was the only one who could comfort him now. More than anything, he wanted Abbey to tell him she didn't blame him for his part in Zoey's abduction. He needed to hear those words from her in order to believe them himself.  
  
When he went back to the Residence that night, he prayed he'd see a different Abbey. He wanted his wife back to her old self again. He didn't recognize the person she had become and he wasn't sure he wanted to get to know this new side to her personality. He walked through the door and felt optimistic upon hearing her first words.  
  
"I'm sorry about before. I'm sorry I hit you," she said sincerely.  
  
"Yeah. I'm sorry about the things I said," he replied. But when he approached her, her reaction was cold. "Abbey..." he began, trying to reach out to hold her. She moved away to avoid his touch.  
  
He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her retreat into the bathroom.  
  
Remembering the pain he felt, Jed was determined not to repeat Abbey's mistake. Instead, he scooped her up in arms, whispering "I love you too" in her ear.  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1  
  
Previously: Jed was devastated by the knowledge that his MS may be getting worse, but he finally decided to let Abbey back in  
  
Summary: Jed helps a former intern get a job as a White House Deputy Press Secretary. Leo lets the cat out of the bag.  
  
Jed scooped Abbey up in his arms and whispered "I love you too" in her ear. She had been waiting for such a tender moment for so long and now, it was finally here. She ran her hands through his hair, gazing deeply into his eyes.  
  
"I didn't think I'd ever hear those words again," she told him.  
  
"I didn't think I'd ever hear them from you," he replied.  
  
Husband and wife had a lot to make up for, but now that they were both willing to do it, it seemed easier.  
  
"About the wheelchair..."  
  
"Don't," he said, cutting her off. "Don't talk. Just kiss me."  
  
"Wait. Are you okay? I mean, how are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm okay. I just need you tonight. I need to be with you."  
  
He placed his hand behind her head, pulling her face closer to him as he kissed her. He pulled away long enough to put his arms around her, leading her into the bedroom. He began to slowly undress her. Cooperating fully, Abbey unbuttoned her husband's shirt and pulled it off. Jed was extremely eager to reconnect with his wife. He layed her down on the bed, crawling on top of her...  
  
The next morning, Abbey rolled over to find Jed staring back at her.  
  
"Hey, beautiful," he greeted her.  
  
"I was so afraid it was all a dream."  
  
Jed held her close as the two cuddled for the next few minutes. He knew it had to end because he needed to get ready to go to the office, at least for a few hours. But the last thing he wanted was to let her go. He wished he could just freeze that moment in time. There were no worries, no fighting, no talk of his MS, and no mention of the heartbreak of the past year.  
  
But he was right, it didn't last. When he got out of the shower, Abbey was ready to talk to him about taking some more time off. He wasn't 100%, but he knew he may not be for a while. She tried to convince him to at least take his cane to work. Part of him was angry again, angry that she couldn't let them enjoy the morning. The other part of him knew she was talking to him out of concern. Abbey may be his wife, but since his initial diagnosis, she was also his doctor. Still, he refused the cane. Instead of pressuring him, Abbey backed off. She hoped that when his legs hurt badly enough, he would change his mind. In the meantime, she didn't want to spoil what had started out to be a wonderful day. She kissed him goodbye as he left for the Oval Office.  
  
It wasn't long before Jed delved deeply back into President-mode. For the first time since his youngest daughter's murder, he felt whole again. Despite his failing health, he was optimistic. But that changed quickly, as Leo still had a bombshell to drop. But before dealing with Leo, Jed's focus shifted to CJ and the new deputy press secretary she wanted to hire, a woman named Emma Bradford.  
  
"She says she interned for you in New Hampshire," CJ reminded him.  
  
"Oh yes," he answered, remembering the young, ambitious college senior who came to work for him when he was Governor. "She was the brightest intern we ever had."  
  
"She's not interning anymore. She's got her Master's in Political Management and a PhD. in Political Communications."  
  
"She's a good hire, CJ/ She's a hard worker, civic-minded, and has an extraordinary grasp of government and politics."  
  
"That's all I needed to know. She certainly has the resume and now that I know she has your seal of approval, I'd say she's got the job."  
  
Jed smiled, knowing he fulfilled the promise he made to help out the young woman one day. He never dreamed she'd be working in his White House, but he was happy nonetheless. He hoped Abbey would feel the same. There was always some mistrust towards Emma, on Abbey's part. She saw Emma as the kind of person who would do anything to get ahead and though that was nothing more than speculation, she let Jed know about it. But accepting Emma would be easier now, he thought. It was eight years later and he and Abbey had more significant problems.  
  
Leo hadn't told the President about Abbey's dependency on the anti-anxiety drugs. She insisted she wasn't addicted and he felt Jed had enough to get past without worrying about this. But now that Jed and Abbey seemed to be working through their problems, he thought Jed should know. Actually telling him would be the challenge. And before he could start, Jed had news of his own to share.  
  
"Abbey thinks my thing is getting worse."  
  
"How bad?"  
  
"We don't know. There's some progression and a lot of pain, tingling in my legs. It could be a slow start to the next phase."  
  
"Oh, Jed," Leo replied, sympathetically.  
  
"But right now, I don't want anyone to know," Jed said.  
  
"Sir." Leo warned.  
  
"My leg just hurts a little. It's nothing I can't handle. Just for now, Leo, okay?"  
  
"Okay," he agreed reluctantly.  
  
"Good."  
  
"But, Mr. President, there is something else I want to talk to you about."  
  
Jed nodded for him to continue. "What is it?"  
  
"Abbey. How is she doing?"  
  
"Fine. We're working on it. We're working on everything."  
  
"There's something I've been keeping from you," Leo started. "Last year, before she left, I saw her taking some medication. It was Xanax, I think."  
  
"The doctor gave her a lot of sedatives."  
  
"He gave her Valium. She got the Xanax on her own. She was taking them together. She was taking them often."  
  
"What are you getting at, Leo?"  
  
"Sir, she's still taking them. I think she's headed for trouble."  
  
"That's ridiculous. So she took a few pills, Leo. Big deal. Her daughter just died."  
  
"Jed, you're talking to me here. I know how dangerous and how addictive Valium can be. Remember?"  
  
"Abbey's a doctor."  
  
"Doctors can't get into trouble? Look, I'm just saying you should ask her about it."  
  
"Forget it."  
  
"No one's saying you should accuse her. Just ask her."  
  
"I'm sure she's fine."  
  
"Then why didn't you know she was taking drugs? She takes medication. So if it's nothing serious, how come she never takes her pills around you?"  
  
Jed looked at his friend, knowing he was making sense. If Abbey really was taking daily medication, why didn't he know? Still, every brain cell told him Abbey would never do this to herself. She would never self-medicate and she would know if she had a problem, she could turn to him. Hell, he would know if she had a problem. But he wanted to put an end to the speculation and there was only one way to do that. He had to ask Abbey.  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Previously: After a night of lovemaking, Jed and Abbey were back on track. Leo told Jed that he's worried Abbey may be self-medicating.  
  
Summary: Jed doesn't know whether or not to believe Abbey, but doesn't want to make any more waves.  
  
When Jed walked to the Residence that afternoon, he found Abbey making a sandwich in the kitchen. He walked up behind her, not tipping her off to his presence before wrapping his arms around her. Abbey looked up but kept her back to him as a smile began to form on her face.  
  
"We can't. My husband will be home shortly," she teased.  
  
"Very funny, Sweet Knees" he replied, blowing the back of her ear.  
  
She laughed and took his hand, leading him to stand beside her. "You're home early."  
  
"I promised you I'd only work half days for the next several days."  
  
"Yeah, but it's not even noon," she reminded him as he took a seat at the table.  
  
"I have something important I have to deal with."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"You," he said, using a more serious tone.  
  
Abbey took her plate over to the table and sat across from her husband. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Leo talked to me today."  
  
Abbey rolled her eyes, knowing where he was going with this. She tried to change the subject, asking about Leo and how he was doing. He saw through that and veered the subject back to her. He asked her if she was on any medication. Leo was overreacting, she thought and the last thing Jed needed was to be concerned about a problem that didn't exist. So she answered his question with a less than honest response.  
  
"I was last year. Now I'm fine."  
  
"He says he saw you taking some pills just a few days ago."  
  
"They were vitamins, Jed," she lied.  
  
Jed was relieved, but he was still confused. "Why didn't you tell him that?"  
  
"He didn't give me a chance to. He just accused me and honestly, I had had enough. You were sick and you had just bitten my head off. The last thing I needed was to explain myself to Leo. And anyway, he shouldn't have assumed anything and he certainly shouldn't have gone to you."  
  
"He was worried."  
  
"Yeah, worried," she said sarcastically.  
  
"Abbey."  
  
"There's nothing to worry about," she insisted.  
  
"Okay," Jed said with a smile.  
  
He got up and walked over to her, still unsteady on his legs. He bent down and kissed her on the top of the head, then took the seat right next to her. He believed his wife. The one thing he was sure of was that Abbey wasn't a liar. If she said there was nothing to worry about, then there was nothing to worry about. It was a misunderstanding on Leo's part, he told himself. Abbey cut her sandwich in two, handing part of it to Jed.  
  
After lunch, Jed insisted on going back to the office for a couple of hours. He had some reading he had to finish and he wanted to go over his calendar for the next few days. Abbey went with him, not wanting to give Leo another opportunity for a heart-to-heart. Having Abbey there with him was a distraction for Jed. He couldn't concentrate on reading what he needed to, and she knew that, but she didn't care. And when he had to excuse himself to take a call, Abbey took the opportunity to walk over to Leo's office.  
  
She surprised Leo with her cheerful demeanor. He figured she'd be angry, to say the least. But she didn't seem to be. Instead, she seemed grateful for his concern. Leo led her inside, shutting the door behind her, shutting them off from the Oval Office.  
  
"They were just vitamins, Leo," she told him. "You should have come to me."  
  
"I tried and you walked away," he reminded her.  
  
"Well, it's all resolved now. I'm fine."  
  
Leo didn't believe her. He knew she was in denial. "How many 'vitamins' did you take today, Abbey?"  
  
Abbey could sense the distrust in his voice. "What's with you, Leo? Are you just looking for a fight, or are you trying to drive another wedge between me and Jed?"  
  
Stung by her accusation, Leo chose not to answer. "I have a lot of work to do," he replied instead, hoping she'd take the hint and leave his office.  
  
"Then I won't keep you. Just don't get in the middle of me and my husband."  
  
She left his office, entering the Oval Office once again to see Jed standing by the door. He had overheard part of their conversation, but Abbey insisted there was no problem. She claimed that she and Leo just hadn't been on the same wavelength since she came back to the White House. To Jed, that was an understatement. Abbey and Leo had many disturbing conversations before Abbey left Washington. And when Jed tried to defend Leo, it only bought him more time in the penalty box.  
  
Flashback  
  
Jed walked into sitting room where Abbey had been absentmindedly flipping through a magazine. His entrance didn't grab her attention. In fact, she began pretending to read, hoping he wouldn't push her into a conversation she wasn't ready to have. No such luck.  
  
"You kicked Leo out of the Residence?" he asked her.  
  
"I excluded him from a meeting between me and Ron Butterfield."  
  
"He's my Chief of Staff."  
  
"The meeting was about beefing up security for Elizabeth and Ellie. It had nothing to do with Leo," she insisted.  
  
"Abbey, none of this is Leo's fault," he said, joining her on the sofa.  
  
"I'm not assigning blame."  
  
"You're blaming him and you're blaming me. That's why I didn't know about this meeting either."  
  
"It's not like you would have thought it was important."  
  
"Abbey..."  
  
"I just think our daughters should have one parent who's looking out for them above everyone else."  
  
And there it was, that insipid tone, reminiscent of the bitter woman she had become. She wasn't just angry. She was vengeful. Jed wisely ignored her baiting remark and headed for the bedroom.  
  
Desperate to avoid a fight, Jed put his arms around Abbey's waist and led her back to the Residence. When they walked into the dining room, Abbey sat him down on a chair, realizing his legs were giving him trouble once again. She walked over and brought him the cane she wanted him to begin using.  
  
"Just try it for a few days," she told him.  
  
"We already talked about this."  
  
"Honey, it's not that big a deal."  
  
Jed pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her body. "I'm fine."  
  
"Please. I don't want you collapsing on the floor of the Oval Office. Just keep it with you. If you don't need it, you don't have to use it."  
  
"And you'll stop nagging me?" he asked with a grin.  
  
"Yes."  
  
He kissed her on the lips, then ran his fingers over her forehead, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Okay," he replied.  
  
Abbey snuggled up next to him as he held her tightly in his arms.  
  
"Jed?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'd like to move back to the White House -- permanently -- if it's okay."  
  
Jed pulled her away from him to look at her face. "Really?" She nodded. "Sweetheart, this is your home. You never have to ask permission."  
  
Abbey rested her head against his before he continued.  
  
"I am curious though. I know you began practicing medicine again in Boston. You're okay with resigning from the hospital?"  
  
"I already resigned," she said. "Three weeks ago."  
  
Jed was shocked, but not unhappy. He finally had his wife back for good. There were times he wondered if he'd ever hold her again, and now, she announced she was coming home to him.  
  
His elation was short-lived, however. He knew there was something else going on with Abbey. She had claimed she decided to come back to the White House when she watched his State of the Union and saw how sick he was. But the State of the Union was only two weeks ago, so why did she resign from the hospital before knowing that he was sick? Was she planning on coming back anyway or was there something else going on? And despite his efforts, he couldn't forget about Leo's warning. He wanted to believe Abbey and he kept telling himself that he did, but doubts kept creeping up. Could she really be medicating herself? Could she be lying to him about it? Was there something else she was hiding from him, he wondered.  
  
As his wife prepared a hot bubble bath that night, Jed decided he had to find out what she was keeping from him. He had to know if she was really as fine as she claimed to be. He knew he was about to cross a line he didn't want to cross, but there was no other way. He looked through her dresser and the bags that she had yet to unpack. He didn't find anything unusual, but when he came across the purse she had been using that afternoon and looked inside, Jed found a prescription bottle. The label had been torn off. He opened it and found two different kinds of pills. Inside another purse, he found another bottle. He took the bottles and put them inside the pocket of the jacket he planned to wear the next day. When Abbey emerged from the bathroom, he didn't mention his discovery. Instead he gave her a sensuous kiss and held her in his arms as they both fell asleep.  
  
TBC 


	11. Chapter 11

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Previously: Jed found Abbey's pills and hid them in his pocket before getting into bed with her  
  
Summary: Abbey freaks out when she discovers her pills are missing  
  
The next morning, Jed woke up still holding Abbey in a sideways spoon. He ran his fingers up and down Abbey's chest and stomach. She was still asleep, but he knew she wouldn't mind being woken up this way. When she stirred, he kissed the back of her neck and whispered "good morning" into her ear.  
  
"Not fair," she replied.  
  
He rolled her over on her back and brushed the hair out of her face.  
  
"You get more beautiful every day," he said to her.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Jed removed the sheet, revealing his wife's naked body and began kissing her passionately. Abbey didn't protest. Waking up alone in New Hampshire every morning made her long for mornings like this. They made love and remained twisted in each other's arms for an hour.  
  
"You know, at some point, I do have to get ready to go to the office," he finally said.  
  
"I know," she replied sadly.  
  
"Hey, can we talk about why you resigned from the hospital?"  
  
"I wanted to come back here."  
  
"You resigned before you knew that I was sick."  
  
Abbey repositioned herself to look into her husband's eyes. "I was thinking about it long before I knew you were sick. Part of me was still angry, but I wanted so badly to come back."  
  
"What took you so long?"  
  
"I didn't know if I'd be welcomed. I'm honestly embarassed by the way I treated you. I didn't know if you could forgive me."  
  
Jed took her into his arms and wrapped his body around hers, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. "You didn't do this by yourself, Abbey. I share the blame and the responsibility."  
  
Abbey felt a sense of relief. They still had a lot of problems to work through, but if they could forgive each other, she knew it wasn't the end of their marriage. A soft smile came over her face as she watched get out of bed and head to the shower.  
  
Abbey waited for him to disappear into the bathroom before reaching over and grabbing her purse. Every morning, she would take her pills -- two Xanax and two Valium. Every few months, she'd increase the dosage, realizing her tolerance level had gone up considerably over the past year. At first, they simply numbed the pain. Nowadays, she needed them just to get rid of the shaking. By mid morning, if she hadn't taken her pills, she wouldn't even be able to function. Her body had become so used to them that the anxiety was building at an earlier time these days. She needed her medication before Jed noticed how anxious and shaky she really was.  
  
She opened the purse and searched inside, emptying the contents out on the bed. She frantically looked around the room, searching on the floor, under the bed, and on the dressers. She picked up her other purse and opened that one as well. She grew even more alarmed. All her pills were missing. Her first thought was that she must have dropped the bottles in the dining room when she and Jed returned from the Oval Office the night before. She threw on her robe and headed out the door, while Jed finished his shower.  
  
Abbey practically ransacked the dining room, throwing everything in her path out of the way. She knew if the pills weren't there, there was only one other place she could have left them -- in the Oval Office -- and if they were in the Oval, she had to find them before Jed got to work that morning. In her desperation to beat him to the office, she didn't even take the time to get dressed.  
  
Meanwhile, Jed got out of the shower, calling out to his wife. When he got no response, he opened the bathroom door, hoping to see her still in bed, but when he glanced over and saw her purse laying on top of the covers with the contents sprawled out on the matress, he knew what she was up to. He quickly put on his clothes and left the Residence, leaving behind the cane he promised her he'd use.  
  
Abbey ran into the Oval Office from the portico. She began combing the floor, praying to come across the medication before she was discovered. She had her back to the door when she heard his voice, standing in the doorway, holding one of her pill bottles in his hand.  
  
"Is this what you're looking for?" Jed asked.  
  
TBC 


	12. Chapter 12

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Previously: Jed found Abbey searching frantically for her medication in the Oval Office  
  
Summary: It's a showdown for Jed and Abbey, but the confrontation gets out of hand  
  
Abbey stood there, paralyzed by her fear -- fear of what Jed would think of her and how angry he'd be that she lied to him. How did Jed find her pill bottle anyway? What was he doing with it? And was there a lie big enough to get her out of this?  
  
"Is this what you're looking for?" he repeated, holding up the bottle. "I thought you said they were vitamins," he continued when she refused to speak. "Abbey, talk to me."  
  
"They are vitamins," she said softly as he approached her.  
  
"You know I can have them sent to any lab and analyzed within an hour, right?"  
  
"Jed..."  
  
"What's in the bottle, Abbey?" he asked calmly.  
  
"They're just...they help me sleep," she admitted.  
  
"Leo was right, wasn't he? It's Valium?"  
  
Abbey nodded.  
  
"And Xanax." he added, placing the bottle back in his pocket.  
  
Jed was using a loving voice, not wanting to frighten her into more lies. At the same time, he was angry with her for not being honest with him and for letting this happen. She knew better, he kept telling himself. She was a doctor. She knew how dangerous prescription drugs could be. If Leo was right, it meant that Abbey had been self-medicating for a year. How deep was she in at this point, he wondered.  
  
Abbey finally broke her silence. "You had no right to go through my purse," she said in the most restrained voice she could muster up.  
  
Jed bowed his head, knowing she was right. "I knew there was more to the story than what you were telling me."  
  
"Then you should have come to me with your suspicions."  
  
"So you could lie to me again, the way you lied to Leo?"  
  
"It's none of Leo's business," she replied calmly.  
  
"It is my business though," he argued. "You're my wife. It's my business."  
  
"No, it really isn't."  
  
Her words hurt Jed. How could she believe this didn't affect him? He loved her and that would never change, but she was a different person because of the medication. Maybe it helped her deal with the aftermath of Zoey's death, but now, it was time to grieve without the crutch. Given how much she grieved with it, that thought scared him. He affectionately grabbed her right arm. "My God, Abbey, you're shaking."  
  
"Can I have my pills please?" she asked.  
  
Jed stroked her arm and shook his head. Abbey looked into his eyes, pleading for him to understand and to give her a break.  
  
"No, honey. You can't have them."  
  
"Jed."  
  
"We'll get through this, Abbey," he promised, lightly massaging her shaking hand.  
  
Abbey pulled away causing Jed to take a step back. It reminded him too much of the cold Abbey, the Abbey who pushed him away so many times after Zoey's death.  
  
"I want my medication, Jed. Please."  
  
"I said no."  
  
His voice was firm and Abbey knew he wasn't going to give in. Her voice exhibited a sense of urgency now, bordering on desperation and anger. He stood there, his heart breaking for the pain his wife was experiencing. Abbey took a few steps towards him before swiftly reaching into his pocket to get the bottle. He grabbed her arm before she pulled it out and held her tightly.  
  
"Let go," he told her, but she refused.  
  
The two struggled over the bottle, but it was Abbey who came out victorious. She used all her strength to pry Jed's hands off hers and Jed, still weak from his MS attack, was overcome.  
  
Abbey tried to run out of the office, but Jed grabbed her, begging her to stay. He didn't want to fight with her. He wanted to reason with her, to let her know he was on her side.  
  
"You asked me to let you help me because you loved me. Let me do the same for you," he begged. No response. "Don't run out of here, Abbey! For once, stay and finish this."  
  
Abbey couldn't face him right now. She was ashamed and upset. She wanted to be alone. As she crossed over him, heading towards the door, he felt his unsteady legs give way once again. He fell to the floor, banging his head on the corner of the desk.  
  
The crashing sound alerted Leo who ran in to see Jed, still conscious, lying on the floor, his forehead bleeding, and Abbey shaking miserably as she stood above him, looking down. Leo told Debbie to call Hackett and he joined Jed on the floor as Charlie watched.  
  
Abbey dropped the bottle as she tried to sit down next to him. She couldn't calm herself. Her heart was pounding, her pulse was racing, and her entire body was reacting to a panic attack. Jed attempted to get up, but Leo insisted he stay where he was until the doctor arrived. But then again, a doctor was already in the room.  
  
"Do something," Leo ordered Abbey.  
  
But she froze. She couldn't help him. She couldn't even help herself stop shaking. She stood there and just stared at Jed. When Admiral Hackett arrived, she stood behind him and watched as he began working on her husband. For several minutes, Abbey couldn't move. She couldn't even talk. This had happened once before -- in Boston. Jed's accident was bringing it all back to her and it sent a chill up her spine.  
  
"Not again," she whispered to herself.  
  
"Abbey!" Leo called.  
  
Abbey came out of her trance to see Leo holding up the bottle of pills she had dropped. With disappointment in his eyes, now realizing what Jed and Abbey had probably been discussing moments before his collapse, he handed her the bottle. Abbey grabbed it and immediately opened it to take out a handful of pills. She downed them without any water, as she stared at her husband's battered body. From a distance, Charlie looked on.  
  
TBC 


	13. Chapter 13

The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Previously: Jed and Abbey's confrontation turned ugly, resulting in Jed's collapse  
  
Summary: Abbey remembers the last time she broke Jed's heart. Leo reaches out to Abbey  
  
Abbey looked out the beautiful stained-glass window, her thoughts driving her to tears. She and Jed had been married for nearly forty years. They knew everything about one another -- all their dreams, disappointments, secrets -- everything had been shared. The fact that she had been able to hide her dependency on medication from him was a testament to how good she had become at detaching herself from reality. Now it was all out in the open. He knew what she didn't want him to know: that she wasn't the strong person he always thought she was. In her mind, Jed's image of her was tainted and tarnished.  
  
She thought about packing up her bags and leaving. But one memory kept replaying over and over in her head.  
  
Flashback:  
  
Abbey sat on the cold, wet grass, right next to her daughter's grave. She brushed off the snow and ran her hands over the tombstone, tracing her fingers over the date of her birth. There was so much anger in her, anger that she couldn't express. The wonderful, precious gift that had been given to her 21 years earlier, had been vengefully taken from her and the only people she could justifiably blame were dead as well.  
  
Jed stood behind his wife, empathizing with her anguish. He walked closer to her, placing a hand on the back of her shoulder, signaling his presence and support. Abbey stood up to face him and with tears in her eyes, she uttered one word that bruised his soul.  
  
"Don't."  
  
She was pulling away again and Jed didn't know how much more he could take. All he wanted was to hold her and make her realize that he would give anything to bring Zoey back to her, even if it meant sacrificing his own life.  
  
"It's getting cold out here. Maybe we should get back," he finally said.  
  
"I'm not going back with you. I can't live in that place any longer. I'm going back to New Hampshire."  
  
"Abbey, don't do this."  
  
"Stop. Don't stand there and try to change my mind. I can't be around you, Jed, especially not at the White House. I never want to see that place again as long as I live." She paused to look up at him. "I'm not sure I want to see you right now either," she continued.  
  
The words cut Jed like a knife to his heart. He held back his emotions as he tried to convince her she was making a mistake. "We need to work together right now."  
  
"Stop saying that!" she shouted. "You've been saying that since the day we buried her! Guess what, I don't want to work through it with you. I hate what happened to my baby. I hate what you did to make it happen!"  
  
"Do you hate me?" he asked her, terrified of the answer.  
  
"I don't know," she replied harshly.  
  
When they arrived back at the White House, Abbey packed the bags she planned to take with her and left, without so much as a goodbye. Jed remained upstairs, staring out the window and down at her as her driver opened the door. Just before she sat down, she looked up at him.  
  
When their eyes met, there was a brief moment of regret on Abbey's part. Her heart wanted her to rush back upstairs, grab him and hold him and never let him go, to let him know that she didn't blame him and that she loved him. She knew the answer to the question now -- no, she didn't hate him. How could you hate someone you love so much? But she didn't let her temporary hesitation cloud her anger. Her brain convinced her that leaving was the right thing to do. She got in the car and the driver shut the door. Jed continued to watch as they drove away.  
  
Abbey never got over the look on his face as she looked up at him from the street. While in New Hampshire, she sometimes cried herself to sleep at night, remembering that pained expression. When she came back, she promised herself she would never break his heart again. She knew that no matter what, she had to stay and talk this out with Jed. Yes, she lied to him, yes, she was popping pills and though she was able to convince herself she didn't have a problem, she was willing to listen to Jed and take his feelings into consideration.  
  
But first, she had to deal with someone else. Leo had just entered the room.  
  
"How is he?" she asked.  
  
"He's fine. Superficial cut, just a mild concussion, so you may want to..." he cut himself off. "I'm sorry, you know what to do."  
  
"I'll stay up with him."  
  
"He's asking for you."  
  
"Leo, I don't know what happened before. I..."  
  
"It's okay," he said to her. He slowly walked towards her, hoping she wouldn't turn away. "There's this group that I belong to. We get together every once in a while and talk about things."  
  
"Things?" she asked, staring him in the eyes.  
  
"It's an AA group."  
  
"You're in an AA group? Where?"  
  
"I'll tell you that when you decide that you want to go with me. We try to keep a very low profile."  
  
"Leo, I don't have a drinking problem."  
  
"An addiction is an addiction."  
  
"Even if I had an addiction..."  
  
"You do. Stop lying to yourself," he interjected.  
  
"Even if I did, I don't think AA is the right place for me."  
  
"Because of who you are, it's the only thing available to you right now, that I know of anyway. Unless you want the press beating down your door, it's all I've got. Why don't you take some time to think about it. You don't have to decide now."  
  
He began to leave, but her voice stopped him.  
  
"Leo?" She waited for him to turn to face her. "Why did you give me back the pills?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"When Jed was on the floor. You could have taken the pills, thrown them away. You gave them back. Why?"  
  
"Because the place was crawling with people and the last thing you needed was a reason for them to blame you."  
  
"Do you blame me?"  
  
"No. I don't know how he fell, Abbey, but I know you. And I know that you were having a panic attack and everyone else was about to see it too. A bottle of Valium on the floor...not exactly hard to figure out what's going on. Humiliation won't convince you to stop taking these pills, Abbey, just like Jed couldn't. You have to decide. You need to figure out what's more important to you, the meds or Jed."  
  
Abbey walked closer to him and took one of his hands, holding it gently. "The last year has been hell and I haven't said it, but thank you -- for taking care of him this whole time, and for taking care of me too."  
  
Leo smiled as Abbey followed him out the door, redirecting herself towards her bedroom. It was time to face Jed.  
  
TBC 


	14. Chapter 14

Yeah, I know the dialogue is a bit corny, but I was sick of the First Couple fighting every other day.  
  
The Heart Brings You Back  
  
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1  
  
Chapter 14  
  
Previously: Leo and Abbey made amends and she considered joining him in his AA meetings  
  
Summary: Jed and Abbey talk about her problem, Abbey has one more secret left to tell, and Emma confuses CJ  
  
CJ, Josh, and Toby stood in the Leo's office, waiting for the Chief of Staff. They had all heard what happened to the President through the White House grapevine. When Leo came in, they were eager to find out the real story. Was the President hurt badly? How was he now? Why wasn't his wife able to help him? Leo answered what he could, telling them that the President suffered a mild concussion and a cut above his eyebrow. He was resting comfortably in the Residence and that he would be taking the rest of the day off.  
  
"And Abbey?" CJ asked.  
  
"The First Lady is fine. She's with the President."  
  
"Is he having another attack?" Toby wanted to know.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Were they having a fight, Leo? I heard the First Lady was half-dressed and they were screaming at one another just before..." Josh trailed off.  
  
"Don't listen to gossip, Josh. Abbey was in the office and they weren't 'screaming.' They were having a discussion. When he fell, she did what she could to help. It didn't matter anyway because Admiral Hackett was there within a matter of minutes. Look, it's over. He's okay. He'll return to work tomorrow. CJ, take care of it in the press room. That's all."  
  
"Absolutely," CJ replied as she, Toby, and Josh walked out.  
  
Meanwhile, Abbey approached her bedroom door. She hesitated for a moment before turning the knob, but eventually made her way inside.  
  
"Abbey."  
  
"How do you feel, Jed?"  
  
"I have a headache." He signaled her to come closer to the bed. "Come here."  
  
Abbey walked to him. He reached out his hand to touch hers, urging her to sit down on the edge of the bed.  
  
"We need to talk." He began to gently rub her back. "I just want to help. Tell me what I can do."  
  
"Nothing. Jed, it's under control."  
  
"Abbey, look at me." He put his hand under her chin, lifting her face up. "Honey, it's not. You know it's not."  
  
He was right, of course. In her heart, she knew it wasn't under control. She didn't consider herself a drug addict. She told herself she didn't get "high" from her pills. She told herself she didn't walk the streets looking to score. But just as Jed implied, she had been lying to herself all along and he knew it. As always, he knew her better than she knew herself.  
  
"It helps me."  
  
"I know it does. How long have you been taking them?"  
  
"Since last year."  
  
"Leo hit it right on the nose."  
  
Abbey stood up, not able to sit with him any longer. "I couldn't tell you."  
  
Jed stared at his wife, seeing all the hurt and pain. She was the strongest person he had ever met and nothing would change his opinion. So she needed some help to deal with the death of her daughter. That was understandable. She got herself into trouble, but he wasn't convinced it wasn't partly his fault.  
  
"I know. This is bigger than the meds, Abbey." He paused to look at her. "We need help. We both need help. We never dealt with Zoey's death the way we should have, we never even dealt with each other. We just jumped into bed and hoped it would solve everything."  
  
"It usually does."  
  
"Not this time."  
  
"I know," she whispered.  
  
Jed extended his hand to her once again. Abbey took it and crawled into bed next to him, laying down cradled in his arms. He held her close, not wanting to let go. The truth was that Abbey wanted to stop. She didn't just come back to the White House to take care of Jed. When she spoke to CJ the night of the State of the Union, she saw an opportunity for herself too. She knew that Jed was the only person who could help her before she lost herself completely.  
  
"There's something I have to tell you," she said. "I didn't resign from the hospital willingly. I was forced to resign."  
  
Jed looked at her, surprised by her confession. Abbey went on to tell him about that night in Boston. The story started on the morning of December 24 -- Christmas Eve. Abbey had decided she wanted to stop taking her pills. She knew she was relying on them way too much, but she underestimated her body's dependence on them. She went into withdrawal, and her denial kept her from realizing it.  
  
She went to work that night on the midnight shift. The hospital was severely understaffed because of the holiday, so calling in sick wasn't an option. She hid her shaky hands from co-workers, every now and then running to the ladies room to get herself together, or to throw up. When an accident victim came in with severe chest injuries, it was Abbey who had to tend to him. She moved him to the operating room and before she began the procedure, she froze.  
  
She soon brought herself out of the trance. Looking at the bleeding patient on the table, Abbey thought she could do it, she wanted to do it. His life depended on her being able to do it. But she was too sick. Just minutes into the surgery, she ran out of the room, not able to handle the shaking and the nausea. Another doctor had to step in. The patient died before the procedure was completed. She blamed herself, wondering if she hadn't wasted time, if she had just done what she was trained to do, if she could have saved him.  
  
It was a miracle the news never leaked to the press. She was sure someone in the hospital would have called a reporter, but the only people who knew she froze during the operation were the ones in the room and her immediate supervisors, and they all vowed to protect her.  
  
But a man died and the family was asking questions. The hospital chief-of-staff warned Abbey that he couldn't protect her forever. People were talking and, eventually, someone would start digging around and discover she was too sick to operate that night. They'd wonder what was wrong with her, why she even came in to work in the first place. Abbey knew it would get much worse because what the chief-of-staff didn't know was that her state of mind was the result of anti-anxiety drugs. Everyone thought it was the flu. They thought that when she ran out of the operating room, it was because she was about to pass out from a stomach virus. No one suspected the First Lady was in withdrawal.  
  
Losing a patient was always hard on her, but this patient was different for Abbey. She never got over the guilt. And while it may have been enough to convince her to give up her pills, the stress of it all stopped her from doing that. But it got harder. She couldn't handle the fear building inside her, the fear of losing control. That's why she needed Jed. She felt safe with him. She wanted to tell him about her fears so many times, but she always chickened out. Now that he found out, it was almost a relief to her. If she could get past the shame, she could let her husband help her, just like he let her help him.  
  
"When I saw you on the floor of the Oval, I felt like it was happening all over again. I'm supposed to take care of you, and I couldn't. Just like I couldn't take care of him..." she broke off, not able to look at Jed. "If that had been you, if I would have lost you..."  
  
Jed raised her face up once again. He wiped her tears away, then pulled her head in to rest against his chest.  
  
"Never," he simply said. Somehow, that, coupled with his embrace, was enough to ease her fears -- for now.  
  
Back in the press office, CJ gave Emma her first big assignment -- wave the press off the rumors about the President and First Lady's fight right before his collapse and the rumor that while he laid there, bleeding from a head injury, she stood by and didn't help him.  
  
"If it's true, maybe we should..." Emma started to say.  
  
"It's not true," CJ replied. "I just talked to Leo."  
  
Emma nodded. "Abbey Bartlet always lands on her feet, doesn't she?"  
  
CJ looked at her quizzically, not sure what to make of her comment.  
  
Not this time, Emma thought. This time, everyone would know that Abbey isn't the sweet, innocent First Lady the White House tries to portray her to be. In Emma's mind, she convinced herself that Abbey wouldn't have the chance ruin anyone else's life, ever again, not the way she ruined hers.  
  
TBC in the sequel, "Sweet Revenge" 


End file.
